On Thursday, The Athletic published an exposé into the Arizona Cardinals' workplace culture under owner Michael Bidwill. The gist of the story is that Bidwill leads the Cardinals as if he saw Tom Cruise's Les Grossman character from Tropic Thunder as a role model. He comes across so over-the-top it's comical.
Avoiding Bidwill’s wrath was made more difficult because he sometimes involved himself in minor or mundane workplace tasks. One former employee said he became upset when a new hire’s cell phone number was assigned the 480 area code used in the Phoenix suburbs instead of the 602 area code for the city center. Another time, after a department opted to turn off the fluorescent lights above their cubicles in favor of softer lighting, one employee said Bidwill flipped the fluorescent lights back and announced: “Here we work with the lights on!”
Bidwill, 58, actually worked for six years as a federal prosecutor before returning in 1996 -- he'd once been a Cardinals ball boy, his official team bio notes, in a true rags-to-riches story. He was "promoted" to "team president" in 2007, and became the team's chief executive upon his father Bill's death in 2019.
Bidwill's actions here are beside the point, they're merely a symptom of a much greater problem inflicting all of professional sports, but especially an old-money league like the NFL: it's a meritocracy for everyone but the owners.
It's highly unlikely Michael Bidwill would be the CEO of a professional sports franchise if his father hadn't bequeathed him one, just as it was highly unlikely Bill Bidwill would've had his own franchise had is his father not gifted him one. And yet in the 90 years since Charles Bidwill purchased the then-Chicago Cardinals, the club has won one (1) NFL title. What's more, the Cardinals have appeared in one Super Bowl -- they'll play Super Bowl LVIII in February; the Cardinals won't be in it -- won seven division titles and reached the playoffs all of 11 times.
The Billdwills and the Cardinals aren't alone, of course. The Chicago Bears have one NFL championship in the past 60 years, all under the ownership of the Halas/McCaskeys. The Spanoses have owned the Chargers for nearly 40 years with no title to show for it. Dan Snyder won nothing over his quarter-century of mismanagement in Washington. And for as hard as he's worked to cultivate his win-at-all-costs reputation, only Jerry Jones would allow Jerry Jones to continue as the Dallas Cowboys general manager despite 27 seasons and counting without so much as an NFC Championship berth.
And yet you never hear talk of the Bidwills, or the McCaskeys, or the Spanoses, or the Joneses selling. It pays to lose in the NFL. The Cardinals, purchased for a $2,000 down payment in 1933, are now worth an estimated $3.9 billion. NFL owners are accountable to no one.
It shouldn't be this way. It shouldn't be allowed to be this way.
If I had it my way, all professional sports owners -- especially in the NFL -- should have to make at least one (1) appearance in the league quarterfinals once every decade, or be forced to sell.
As of today, here's where NFL ownership stands:
Safe for the next 10 years
Buffalo Bills
Cincinnati Bengals
Dallas Cowboys
Jacksonville Jaguars
Kansas City Chiefs
New York Giants
Philadelphia Eagles
San Francisco 49ers
Safe through the end of the current decade due to divisional round appearance or recent sale:
Baltimore Ravens
Cleveland Browns
Denver Broncos
Houston Texans
Green Bay Packers
Minnesota Vikings
Los Angeles Rams
New Orleans Saints
Seattle Seahawks
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Tennessee Titans
Washington Commanders
This takes over half the league (18 teams) off the table for ownership seizure... even if some of those teams probably would be better off with an ownership change. (Good morning to ya.) All of the above have won the right to keep their teams. For now.
Here are the clubs in the proverbial danger zone -- franchises who could, rightly or wrongly, hire a new head coach and/or GM this winter and expect them to reach the divisional round by D-Day.
Atlanta Falcons: safe through 2027 season
Carolina Panthers: would be up for sale after 2025, but 2018 sale reset the clock through 2027
Indianapolis Colts: safe through 2028
Los Angeles Chargers: safe through 2028
New England Patriots: safe through 2028
Pittsburgh Steelers: safe through 2027
This leaves the following teams up for sale due to no divisional round berth or ownership change since the 2013 season:
Chicago Bears (last reached divisional round in 2010)
Detroit Lions (1991)
Miami Dolphins (2000)
Las Vegas Raiders (2002)
New York Jets (2010)
You're not surprised by any of the names above, are you? Of course not. That's the entire point.
This is a radical idea, and you're bound to have questions. Here are some answers.
How are you forcing owners to sell?
The real answer is you're not. This idea is never happening, though it should. In an ideal world where some higher authority forces incompetent team ownership out, they'd be forced to sell at a fair market price determined by a third party. Outgoing ownership would get to keep all profits resulting from the sale, but they lose access to team finances from the moment their team is eliminated from divisional round contention in Year 10 until the sale is complete. In the event the owner owns the team and the stadium, he has to sell both. You're not just out, you're out out.
What if there are more teams for sale than billionaires willing to buy them, especially in a climate where they're not allowed to coast for decades on end?
Local municipalities will be allowed to bid on teams, a la the Green Bay Packers structure. (In the event the Packers or any other team reaches forced-sale territory, the CEO is fired.) If truly no one wants to buy a franchise, the team is placed in a trust managed by the NFL.
Won't this lead to some unintended consequences?
Sure it will. Bad ownership will almost certainly fire an adequate GM or head coach after Year 8 in their desperate attempt not to identify the real problem, but even that's preferable to letting incompetent, unaccountable ownership hold their teams hostage with impunity.
In this 32 team league, all 32 teams are going to compete.
The pressure on Mike McDaniel and Dan Campbell would be beyond intense all season long, but that's show business, baby.
And what of the inspiration for this piece, the Arizona Cardinals?
Thanks to Bruce Arians, Carson Palmer, Larry Fitzgerald and five other Pro Bowlers, the Cardinals are safe through 2025 due to a 13-3 season in 2015 that saw the club reach the NFC Championship.
That gives current ownership next year and the year after. If the Cardinals don't at least reach the divisional round in 2024 or '25, Michael Bidwill would have to find somewhere else to yell about fluorescent lights.