It comes to you in your sleep -- a past filled with love and laughter, of lightness and warmth. Your parents and your sister are there. So, too, are your spouse and your children. The memories used to be clearer -- you were a child at a friend's birthday party, your father enjoying a piece of Superman cake along with you. You're with your daughter at a park, holding her hand as she goes down a slide for the first time.
That was ages ago. The faces that you used to see clearly have blurred. The timeline has, too. Great-grandparents that you only saw in photos are somehow cradling children they never met. Before long, you'll wonder if the visions you see in these dreams ever happened at all. You were happy once, you think.
All you know is that when you wake each morning, you now live in FootballScoop's Nuclear Winter XI.
As in previous editions, the goal here is to have some fun while illustrating how quickly the coaching carousel could spin in the most entertaining way possible — while remaining tethered to the realm of plausibility.
*First disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only.
*Second disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only.
*Third and final disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only.
MID-TO-LATE NOVEMBER
Jobs Filled: Kent State
Jobs Already Open: Arkansas, Colorado State, Florida, LSU, Oklahoma State, Oregon State, Penn State, Stanford, UAB, UCLA, Virginia Tech
Michigan State: FootballScoop's John Brice reports that Michigan State and Jonathan Smith will mutually part ways following the Spartans' season finale vs. Maryland. Brian Kelly will be his replacement.
Maryland: Maryland dismisses Mike Locksley one game shy of seven seasons on the job. The Terps then introduce James Franklin before the finale against Michigan State.
Colorado: At the conclusion of a 3-9 season, Deion Sanders announces he is taking an indefinite hiatus from coaching to focus on his health. Colorado is open.
Wisconsin: At 2-5, the plan was to bring Luke Fickell back next season. At 2-10, that plan became untenable. Really, it was untenable at 2-5, too, but AD Chris McIntosh was the last to realize it. That's a problem. Even still, Luke Fickell is out.
NC State: Thirteen seasons is a long time. It's long enough that a 6-6 season isn't enough for NC State to sign up for a 14th season of the Dave Doeren Experience.
Kentucky: Thirteen seasons is a long time, especially when you miss a bowl game for the second straight season. Kentucky fires Mark Stoops following a 41-14 loss to Louisville to close a second consecutive 4-8 season.
Rutgers: Greg Schiano walks in to Holsten's Diner and seats himself at a booth. His eyes to the front door, he idly thumbs through a juke box menu while nervously glancing up at the front door each time it opens. He puts a couple quarters in and punches in K-3 to play Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'". As the piano kicks in, Rutgers AD Keli Zinn walks in; Schiano is relieved to see her. They study their menus and make conversations until Rutgers president William F. Tate IV joins them. He wants onion rings. However, Tate walked in with a suspicious looking man in a scarlet Members Only jacket. The man studies Schiano, but does Schiano see him? Outside, offensive coordinator Kirk Ciarocca struggles to parallel park his new Lexus. The man in the scarlet jacket goes to the bathroom. The onion rings arrive. At last, Ciarocca parks his Lexus and walks into the diner. As he does, Schiano looks up and -- boom, everything goes black. Just like that, the Schiano era at Rutgers is over.
Baylor: After an 8-5 season in 2024, a backslide to 6-6 pushes Baylor to move on from Dave Aranda after six seasons.
Other changes: Middle Tennessee, South Alabama, Nevada
Still open: Arkansas, Auburn, Colorado State, Florida, LSU, Oklahoma State, Penn State, Stanford, UAB, UCLA, Virginia Tech
New openings: Baylor, Colorado, Kentucky, Maryland, Michigan State, NC State, Rutgers, Wisconsin
Jobs filled: Kent State, Michigan State
Total openings: 23
You've done this before. The rising sun brings with it another day of cold winds, another day of hunger, another of asking yourself what it is you're trying so hard to live for. The sun is up, but the nightmare is just beginning....
EARLY-TO-MID DECEMBER
College Football Playoff: Ohio State grabs the No. 1 seed, followed by Alabama at the No. 2. Indiana and Texas A&M gobble up the remaining first round byes. Elsewhere, the bracket looks as follows: (5) Georgia vs. (12) Tulane, (6) Oregon vs. (11) Texas, (7) Texas Tech vs. (10) Notre Dame, and (8) Louisville vs. (9) Ole Miss.
Pat McAfee Show: With Nick Saban standing in for his former assistant, super-agent Jimmy Sexton appears on the Pat McAfee Show to negotiate with Florida, LSU, and Ole Miss directly for Lane Kiffin's services. Florida offers $84 million over six years, plus royalties on every visor sold with a UF logo on it. LSU offers $85 million over 6 years, plus a contractual guarantee that Kiffin can leave with no buyout if Jeff Landry is ever within 500 feet of Kiffin. Ole Miss AD Keith Carter just slides over a blank piece of paper. Saban looks unimpressed. McAfee is off camera, screaming.
Virginia Tech: When Sun Belt champion James Madison is left out of the College Football Playoff, Virginia Tech announces its deal in place with Bob Chesney.
Auburn: While the LSU and Florida contingents are en route to McAfee's Indianapolis studio, Auburn reaches an agreement with Jon Sumrall to become the next Head Tiger at the conclusion of Tulane's Playoff run.
Baylor: Trading in his green, black and white for dark green, gold and white, Eric Morris leaves North Texas for Baylor.
Colorado: Since it went so well the first time around, Colorado hires former NFL receiver and current FCS head coach DeSean Jackson.
James Madison: The Dukes' job is open for approximately two seconds. At the conclusion of his Playoff run, Indiana offensive coordinator Mike Shanahan agrees to take over as JMU's head coach.
UAB: The job remains open longer than anticipated due to an internal push to promote interim head coach Alex Mortensen to the full-time role along with another push to re-hire Bill Clark for a third time, as well as a third faction who reaches out independently of the search to extend an offer to former UAB interim head coach-turned-ULM head coach Bryant Vincent, who turns them down. Instead, UAB lands a great hire, almost by accident. The Blazers hire Presbyterian head coach Steve Englehart.
Middle Tennessee: If you can't beat 'em, hire 'em. Following a 34-14 loss to him to open the season, Middle Tennessee hires Austin Peay head coach Jeff Faris.
Stanford: Andrew Luck spent the better part of nine months searching high and low for the next leader of Stanford football. He found one that's one multiple national championships, that has experience thriving at a high academic institution, that has a decade of ACC experience, and happens to be from the Bay Area. Stanford hires Virginia head coach Tony Elliott.
Nevada: With his alma mater's coaching job full for the foreseeable future, this former Bronco goes to work for a former rival. Missouri offensive coordinator Kirby Moore takes the Nevada job.
Oregon State: Jonathan Smith's calls to his former colleagues and friends in Corvallis go unreturned. Oregon State hires Paul Chryst.
Wisconsin: He's not a Badger, but he is a 'Sconnie. Six-time national champion Lance Leipold is back in the UW system as the head coach at the state's flagship school.
Colorado State: After two impressive months as the interim but no offer, UCLA interim head coach Tim Skipper takes the bird in hand and becomes Colorado State's head coach.
Arkansas: Sitting out the Lane Kiffin Sweepstakes, Arkansas hires AAC championship game loser Alex Golesh away from South Florida.
Oklahoma State: He's spent all but two years of his life in Texas, but a Big 12 job is enough to get him to leave the Motherland. Oklahoma State hires UTSA head coach Jeff Traylor.
NC State: When you haven't won an ACC championship since 1979, hiring a guy who did it three times in a row sounds pretty good. NC State hires Jimbo Fisher.
Florida: Florida effectively bows out of the Lane Kiffin Sweepstakes, hiring Missouri's Eli Drinkwitz. He does not get Lane's 6-year, $84 million offer, but he does get 12 percent of the proceeds of every visor sale in the official UF store.
LSU: TigerDroppings is abuzz when Verge Ausberry is spotted at the jewelry counter at Dillard's at the Mall of Louisiana. Word is, he was asking the clerk for a custom purple-and-gold necklace to be fastened into a dog collar. "Can you make it out for Juice?" he reportedly asked.
Penn State: Hours before Louisville's Friday night Playoff home game, word breaks that Jeff Brohm has reached a deal to become Penn State's next head coach at the conclusion of Louisville's Playoff run. Ole Miss wins the game, 31-14.
Jobs Filled: Arkansas, Auburn, Baylor, Colorado, Florida, James Madison, Middle Tennessee, NC State, Nevada, Oklahoma State, Oregon State, Penn State, Stanford, UAB, Virginia Tech, Wisconsin
New Openings: Kansas, Missouri, Louisville, North Texas, South Florida, Tulane, UTSA, Virginia
Still Open: Kentucky, LSU, Rutgers, South Alabama
Total Openings: 30
As the sun rises to its highest point, your stomach turns. The bread in your pocket isn't satisfying, but it's less miserable than not eating -- barely. When you live in FootballScoop's Nuclear Winter, the only way out is through...
LATE DECEMBER TO EARLY JANUARY:
UCLA: It took a while, but you try rowing from the Mississippi River, to the Missouri, to the North Platte, hiking to the Colorado, and then carrying your dang canoe across the Southern California desert. UCLA hires Minnesota's PJ Fleck.
UTSA: A finalist for the job the last time around, Missouri hires Texas native and former SFA and TCU assistant Curtis Luper as head coach.
Kansas: The flight trackers were correct. Getting off KU's private plane from College Station is none other than former K-State quarterback Collin Klein. The interview lasts five hours. Klein and AD Travis Goff hit it off. Bill Self even drops by, giving his blessing. Klein leaves without a deal, but the expectation is one will be in place within 48 hours.
Tulane: Having successfully mined the Group of 5 for their own head coaches in their last two go-rounds -- and announced themselves kingmaker in the process, sending head coaches to Houston and Auburn -- Tulane does not fix what is not broken. The Green Wave hire Southern Miss head coach Charles Huff.
South Florida: Spider 2 Y did it take this long for him to get a college job? South Florida hires Tampa native Jon Gruden.
Missouri: After two seasons away, former Tigers defensive coordinator Blake Baker is back in CoMo, this time replacing his former boss as head coach.
Lane Kiffin: LSU has yet to hire a coach, and Lane Kiffin has yet to sign an extension at Ole Miss. As Ole Miss prepares for a quarterfinal game against the defending national champion and top seed Ohio State at the Rose Bowl, Lane is simultaneously relishing and hating the attention. Asked yet again by ESPN's Holly Rowe if this could be his final game at Ole Miss, Lane quotes himself: "Get your popcorn ready."
Clemson: When the transfer portal window opens and there is zero indication of activity out of Clemson, the public begins to speculate if a Dabo Swinney retirement may be imminent. No, Clemson sources respond, Clemson is signing zero transfers on purpose after going 6-7 in 2024. Dabo will be back for an 18th season in the Upstate.
Boston College: After proclaiming his longterm commitment to the program, Bill O'Brien leaves BC to take the Carolina Panthers quarterbacks coaching job, reuniting him with Bryce Young.
Kentucky: Sometimes, it's pretty simple. Kentucky makes the 320-mile round trip to hire Western Kentucky's Tyson Helton as its next head coach. Georgia Southern head coach Clay Helton is coming along as the Eagles' offensive coordinator.
Virginia: Prior ACC experience is the theme of this cycle in the conference, and Virginia continues it by hiring Georgia Tech offensive coordinator Buster Faulkner.
Southern Miss: Looking for their third coach in as many years, Southern Miss looks to one of its own. At the conclusion of Ole Miss's playoff run, defensive coordinator Pete Golding agrees to become the Golden Eagles' head coach.
South Alabama: While Lane Kiffin keeps the world hanging on his every word, Ole Miss offensive coordinator Charlie Weis, Jr., agrees to take the South Alabama job at the conclusion of Ole Miss's playoff run.
Rutgers: The search has gone longer than the Rutgers brain trust has anticipated. President William F. Tate is crying on AD Keli Zinn's desk. She slaps him, ordering Tate to act like a man. Zinn assures Tate that his top target is going to accept Rutgers head coaching position. "Too late," Tate replies. "He's already said no twice." Zinn looks Tate in the eyes. "I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse," Zinn says. Two days later, Rutgers announces Brian Hartline as its next head coach.
Louisville: With Jeff Brohm off to Penn State, Louisville continues on its current path by hiring an offensive-minded head coach with ties to the program. Former Cardinals graduate assistant Will Stein is now their head coach.
Iowa: Kirk Ferentz decides seven Outback Bowls is enough for one career. Following the Hawkeyes' 21-17 win over Tennessee, Ferentz announces his retirement after 49 seasons in coaching, 30 seasons as a head coach, 27 at Iowa, 214 wins and, yes, seven Outback Bowl appearances. The following day, Iowa hires Pat Fitzgerald as its next head coach. He will remain in that position for 15 seasons, giving Iowa a total of three head coaches from 1979 to 2040.
North Texas: His debut season leading a brand-new college program was impressive. So, too, is his career as an offensive assistant at colleges across the state and his run as a Texas high school coach. North Texas hires UTRGV head coach Travis Bush.
Kansas State: After an emergency board meeting, Kansas State announces it is buying Chris Klieman out of the remainder of his contract and hiring Collin Klein as his replacement.
Boston College: He said he'd be there next year, but that was before he knew a Power 4 job would open up back East. Boston College hires UNLV head coach Dan Mullen.
Minnesota: Now on to its 10th head coach since 1979, Minnesota hires former Minnesota State offensive coordinator Jason Eck away from New Mexico.
New openings: Boston College, Georgia Southern, Iowa, Kansas State, New Mexico, Southern Miss, UNLV, Western Kentucky
Jobs filled: Iowa, Kansas State, Minnesota, Missouri, North Texas, Rutgers, South Alabama, South Florida, Southern Miss, Tulane, UCLA, UTSA
Still open: Georgia Southern, Kansas, LSU, New Mexico, UNLV, Western Kentucky
Total openings: 38
As the sun sets and the shadows grow, you realize you have nearly made it through another day of Nuclear Winter. Your reward? Another night that feels even colder and darker than before...
MID JANUARY
UNLV: Their last two head coaches had been through at least one SEC job, maybe spent some time away from coaching, and reached middle age. Those miles traveled and years accumulated taught him that chasing a logo and all the pressure associated with it wasn't it appeared to be, and happiness could be found on the other side of the Power 4/Group of 6 divide. In another life, he never would've considered the UNLV job. Now, though? After losing Barry Odom to Purdue and Dan Mullen to BC, UNLV hires former Ole Miss and LSU head coach Ed Orgeron.
New Mexico: After losing a successful FCS head coach with an offensive background, New Mexico hires another. Montana State's Brent Vigen takes over the Lobos.
Georgia Southern: When Clay Helton takes an assistant job, Georgia Southern hires South Carolina native and former Georgia Tech and Georgia State assistant Shiel Wood away from Texas Tech to be its next head coach.
Western Kentucky: Western Kentucky has hired five straight offensive-minded head coaches. All but one left for Power 4 jobs with winning records. Next up on the conveyor belt: former Tulane/briefly Auburn offensive coordinator Joe Craddock.
Lane Kiffin: Ole Miss stuns Ohio State in the Rose Bowl, but falls to 4th-seeded Texas A&M in the CFP semifinals. After the game, Kiffin tells Ole Miss AD Keith Carter and LSU's Verge Ausberry that he needs a couple days at the beach to decompress after a long season and plot his next move. After three days of hot yoga -- Mandi is a fantastic instructor -- fishing and nights on the beach, Lane finds clarity. His next mission is not to win a national championship, it's to reconnect with his original mission in coaching. Lane wants to win a Super Bowl. He's going to be the next head coach of the Miami Dolphins.
Kansas: Having gone down the path of hiring a first-time head coach offensive coordinator from the SEC with ties to the region as far as they did, Kansas pivots from Collin Klein to hiring Alabama offensvie coordinator Ryan Grubb.
Ole Miss: Daunted by the possibility of conducting an open search with the transfer portal open, Ole Miss brings newly-hired Southern Miss head coach Pete Golding back to Oxford as head coach.
LSU: There was speculation it would happen the last time around, but both sides opted for different partners. Those marriages... didn't work out. With motive and opportunity abundant, LSU hires USC head coach Lincoln Riley.
Southern Miss: Faced with their second coaching search in as many weeks, the Golden Eagles hire the runner-up from the previous search -- former Golden Eagle running back and assistant coach Derrick Nix.
USC: He's been in coaching for 29 seasons now and held 16 jobs, so two seasons at his current gig meant it was time for something new. He has Big Ten experience and West Coast experience... and West Coast Big Ten experience. He's also shown at two schools that his teams get better the longer he's there, unlike the last guy. USC hires Washington head coach Jedd Fisch.
Washington: Washington waits about five hours to announce its next hire, the amount of time it takes for former Husky Jim Mora to fly from Connecticut to Seattle.
UConn: Making the 44th and final hire of the 2025-26 cycle, UConn hires Rhode Island head coach Jim Fleming.
-- THE END --