It began when the owls went quiet at night. The dogs stopped sleeping, and the cats fled. Animals always know first.
Soon, reports emerged of earthquakes in Asia, of multiple hurricanes slamming the coast of Africa. They all seemed disconnected at first, until they didn't. Within days, a tornado, a heat wave, and a blizzard hit your home. When the power went out, you started to wonder why the cats didn't bring you with them. Animals always know first.
What you would come to know in the weeks ahead was that you were living through FootballScoop's Nuclear Winter, now in its 10th year.
As in previous editions, the goal here is to have some fun while illustrating how quickly the coaching carousel could spin in the most entertaining way possible — while remaining tethered to the realm of plausibility.
*First disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only.
*Second disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only.
*Third and final disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only.
MID-TO-LATE NOVEMBER
Already Open: Charlotte, East Carolina, Florida Atlantic, Fresno State, Kennesaw State, Rice, Southern Miss, Temple, UMass, Utah State
Virginia Tech: The Hokies announce Brent Pry will not return for a fourth season following a loss to Duke, which dropped the club to 5-6 on the season.
Michigan: A stunning loss to Northwestern was bad enough, but the decision is made midway through the second quarter, with the Wolverines trailing 31-0 in Columbus, to end the Sherrone Moore era after just one season.
North Carolina: More than 50 years and 290 wins, Mack Brown announces he'll retire after UNC's upcoming appearance in the Pinstripe Bowl.
Oklahoma State: In 20 seasons on the job, Mike Gundy only endured a losing season in his first and 20th seasons. Oklahoma State closes an 0-9 conference season with a Black Friday loss to Colorado, and Gundy announces he'll take a week, maybe two, maybe six to contemplate his future in Stillwater.
Louisiana Tech: Louisiana Tech moves on from Sonny Cumbie after a 5-7 season following two straight 3-9 seasons.
Utah: Six seasons in the Mountain West, 13 in the Pac-12 and one in the Big 12 were enough. Kyle Whittingham announces his retirement, and work on a statue outside of Rice-Eccles Stadium begins.
Purdue: In 125 previous editions of the Battle of the Old Oaken Bucket, the record for largest blowout was recorded by the Purdue way back in 1892 -- a 68-0 drubbing -- until this year. After the Hoosiers are thrashed by Ohio State in Columbus, Indiana exorcises its frustrations with a 73-0 thrashing in Bloomington. Curt Cignetti smokes a cigar on the sideline the entire fourth quarter. Afterward, Purdue fires Ryan Walters.
Iowa: The Hawkeyes score their ninth win over Nebraska in 10 tries -- 14-13, on a pick six that clangs off a Nebraska offensive lineman's helmet and into the arms of an Iowa D-lineman -- and afterward Kirk Ferentz announces he's signed a 5-year contract extension.
JOBS OPENED: Louisiana Tech, Michigan, North Carolina, Purdue, Utah, Virginia Tech
PREVIOUSLY OPEN: Charlotte, East Carolina, Florida Atlantic, Fresno State, Kennesaw State, Rice, Southern Miss, Temple, UMass, Utah State
TOTAL OPENINGS: 16
As the cold winds blow, an unshakable feeling comes over you. All this is just getting started...
EARLY DECEMBER
The first 12-team College Football Playoff field is announced. Ohio State, Alabama, SMU and Colorado are the top four seeds. Oregon, Notre Dame, Penn State, Georgia, Tennessee, Ole Miss, Texas A&M and Boise State fill out the remainder of the field.
Kennesaw State: Moving early has its advantages. Kennesaw State swoops in to hire Georgia Tech offensive coordinator Buster Faulkner as its next head coach.
Marshall: The Thundering Herd present Charles Huff with a new contract following a win in the Sun Belt Championship but, working on an expiring deal to that point, Huff allows said deal to expire.
West Virginia: After days of deliberation, WVU announces an end to the Neal Brown era after six seasons.
Louisiana Tech: LSU offensive coordinator Joe Sloan returns to Ruston as head coach.
Michigan: Maybe Michigan simply chose the wrong Michigan Man, several Michigan Men argue. The Wolverines send an envoy to interview Jesse Minter.
Auburn: When AAC champion Tulane fails to unseat Boise State for the 12th seed, Auburn moves like a thief in the night. Hugh Freeze is out, Jon Sumrall is in.
Charlotte: With Doug Pederson finally out and the Jaguars' season a flaming wreck, Jacksonville running backs coach Jerry Mack takes the Charlotte job.
Oklahoma: Some key decommitments in recruiting and unreturned calls in the offensive coordinator search leads Oklahoma brass to realize what the market already knows -- the Brent Venables era is over. Rather than bring him back for a lame-duck season, OU moves on from Venables after three seasons.
Rice: Program history shows the Owls fly highest when they have a head coach with prior head coaching experience. Their new coach has plenty, at the Division II level. Rice hires Vanderbilt's Tim Beck as head coach, but the social media department puts Coastal Carolina's Tim Beck on the announcement tweet. Chaos briefly ensues.
Fresno State: Three and a half seasons away from the game prove to be enough. Fresno State brings Nick Rolovich back to college football as head coach.
Utah State: Witnessing the success of small-school coaches elsewhere, Utah State announces that Montana State head coach Brent Vigen will take over following the conclusion of the Bobcats' run for the FCS national championship.
East Carolina: East Carolina hires reigning Conference USA champion Tyson Helton away from Western Kentucky.
UMass: The Minutemen hire Rutgers defensive coordinator, and former Maine head coach, Joe Harasmyiak to replace Don Brown.
Florida Atlantic: In South Florida, persona non grata is a garnish on a salad. The Owls don't care about your past as long as you win, and their next coach wins. Bobby Petrino is the new head coach at Florida Atlantic.
Southern Miss: Beaten to the punch by Kennesaw State, Southern Miss hires another renowned assistant from the state of Georgia. Dawgs assistant head coach Todd Hartley takes the Southern Miss job.
Purdue: Betting on himself proved fruitful. Walking away from Marshall results in a Big Ten job for Charles Huff.
West Virginia: Country roads, take him home. Three straight 9-win seasons in the Sun Belt leads Rich Rod back to Morgantown.
NEW OPENINGS: Auburn, Liberty, Marshall, Oklahoma, Tulane, Western Kentucky
STILL OPEN: Michigan, North Carolina, Utah, Virginia Tech
JOBS FILLED: Auburn, Florida Atlantic, Fresno State, Kennesaw State, Louisiana Tech, Rice, Southern Miss, UMass, Utah State, West Virginia
TOTAL OPENINGS: 22
With the portal open and the new Playoff underway, the cold winds are only getting more biting with each passing day...
LATE DECEMBER
Oklahoma: FootballScoop's John Brice wakes the world up on Christmas Eve with a stunning report. Oklahoma is planning to pursue SMU head coach Rhett Lashlee, with hopes of a deal in place immediately after the Mustangs' CFP run ends.
Michigan: For years, he seemed destined for one of the Big Four midwest jobs. That seemed to dissipate when three of those jobs came and went without his name being called, but good things come to those who wait. Michigan hires Iowa State's Matt Campbell.
Virginia Tech: One hundred-sixty wins at the Division II, FCS and Group of 5 level weren't enough to land him a Power 4 job, until now. Virginia Tech hires Liberty's Jamey Chadwell.
North Carolina: After weeks of negotiations, North Carolina finally comes to an agreement with its top candidate. Al Golden gets the UNC job, on the condition that he brings back a shirt and tie on the sideline.
Western Kentucky: Western Kentucky is successful when the Hilltoppers throw for 400 yards and score 50 points a game. See: Brohm, Jeff and Helton, Tyson. This makes the next choice simple: Oregon offensive coordinator and former Louisville quarterback Will Stein.
Utah: Dan Mullen's attempt to back-channel his way into the Utah job fails, and the Utes announce Morgan Scalley as their new head coach.
Tulane: After losing Jon Sumrall just one year in, Tulane drives up Interstate 10 to bring former Green Wave linebacker Blake Baker home from LSU.
Marshall: The last five Marshall head coaches were Power 4 assistants with ties to the region making their head coaching debut in Huntington. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Marshall hires Miami offensive coordinator Shannon Dawson.
Jacksonville State: With Rich Rodriguez gone, Jacksonville State makes 30-year-old Zac Alley the youngest head coach in college football.
SMU: After SMU falls to Penn State in the CFP quarterfinals, Mustang boosters realize they can't pay what it takes to get into the ACC and then lose Rhett Lashlee a year later. Lashlee signs a fully guaranteed 7-year, $70 million contract to remain in Dallas.
JOBS FILLED: Jacksonville State, Marshall, Michigan, North Carolina, Tulane, Utah, Virginia Tech, Western Kentucky
NEW OPENINGS: Iowa State, Liberty
TOTAL OPENINGS: 24
As 2024 turns into 2025, the night is still as dark as ever....
EARLY JANUARY
Oklahoma: After missing on Rhett Lashlee, OU turns to its neighbor to the north. The Sooners hire Kansas State's Chris Klieman.
Iowa State: After losing Matt Campbell to Michigan, the Cyclones hire an Iowa native with deep ties to a championship Midwestern program at a lower level. Iowa State hires USC assistant head coach Matt Entz.
Liberty: The formula in Lynchburg is clear -- established head coaches with offensive backgrounds. Liberty hires Dan Mullen.
Kansas State: K-State's had success with coaches with North Dakota State ties, and making a move to stable, Midwestern ground makes sense. Kansas State hires Washington State's Jake Dickert.
Washington State: Mutually agreeing to pretend the Auburn years never happened, Washington State hires former Boise State head coach Bryan Harsin.
Oklahoma State: Mike Gundy returns from Colorado to announce he'll be back for a 21st season as head coach.
JOBS OPENED: Washington State
JOBS FILLED: Iowa State, Kansas State, Liberty, Oklahoma, Washington State
JOBS STILL OPEN: None
TOTAL OPENINGS: 25
With games still to be played, the winds of winter continue to swirl...
LATE JANUARY
A weary college football industry settles in for the end of the longest season in college football history, as Oregon and Georgia battle for the first 12-team College Football Playoff championship. As Rece Davis welcomes viewers to ESPN's coverage of the game, he hastily throws it to Adam Schefter, who reports Steve Sarkisian was spotted dining with Jerry Jones at the Dallas Cowboys practice facility....
-- THE END --